Let Me Host the 2019 Oscars
A Letter to The Academy
I’m aware that as of this moment now, the 2019 Oscars Ceremony has no official host. I would like to offer my services for that position.
Without a host, the entire presentation is lessened; each ‘segment’ before and between the announcements of winners will become disjointed, and the consistency and continuity of the whole will seem fragmented. We talk about short attention spans and a newer need for ‘in your face’ action to keep people’s attention, and fragmenting an Event such as The Oscars – in its own way – will perpetuate that idea by turning the Grandest Hollywood Evening into something comparable to a YouTube playlist.
As elements begin to be removed, the groundwork is laid for total implosion. Everyone loses; the award recipients and nominees who’ve invested their blood, sweat and tears to be a part of this and the behind-the-scenes organizations and people who have worked to put together a whole evening’s events.
Then there’s the general public; what would be the need for people to put aside busy lives and commit to sit down and stay up late to watch a three-hour program in one sitting if they know that they can completely catch up on their phones the next morning in 10 minute’s time? We all know there is a trend in that direction already; why aid the furthering of it? Without a host, The Oscars “is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions … human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together … mass hysteria!”[1]
The host ties the show together and provides the little tidbits and oddities that don’t get relegated into ‘clips’ and maintains the human element – that part of the show that we regular people can relate to – of sitting in a group and waiting for our names to be called. Don’t let us mortals dare believe we are not missing anything by skipping the show and viewing the highlights when we roll over and grab our phones and check social media the following morning.
Going ‘outside the family’ to fill this position may seem like sacrilege to some and foolhardy to others, but in it there’s that element of thinking outside of the box, that creative side (often born out of necessity) that injects a little bit of renewed interest – even if it doesn’t work.
Would hiring me be a risky move for you? Of course! Only I know the full potential I have for screwing something up. And, yes, your full gamble far outweighs the chances I am taking in making myself look foolish to my family and friends for daring to even think you would consider such a proposal, but there is one thing we all learned from Hollywood – even bad publicity is good publicity; if they’re still talking, they’re still interested. You will still come out on top. Think of how many hopeful anythings you are encouraging by this would-be grand gesture – proof that we can reach and maybe even attain something we’d like, if we only just try.
I am a writer, as of yet undiscovered. I’m also your average 50-something, single, full-time-working mother, who still believes in the magic and global benefit[2] of institutions like The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences enough to not just settle in place but to strive for more and work for what I want.
My status as an unknown allows no distraction from the true honorees of the evening. Outside of my obvious vested interest, I am also a fan with a lifetime of appreciation for what The Academy has given to me.
I say we give it a shot! I’m sure I can get time off from work and that my mother will babysit; plus, my rates are reasonable.
I promise I will find something suitable to wear.
#SusieOscarsHost2019
N.B. Only the Academy is getting a copy of the monologue. If they said yes, you'd all know what I was going to say!
Comments
Post a Comment