Go With The Thought - It Really Does Count

It's the thought that counts.

That's one of the many things we say that we don't really mean, or don’t understand fully. Most of the time when we say it we are soft-pedaling a disappointment, as in "Oh, well; I tried."

The thing is, it is the thought that counts; the problem is we don't really think. It's not just a matter of trying to cheer someone up in some way with a trinket or phrase intended to make them feel better, or giving a gift on a holiday - it's about actually thinking about someone. 

It’s not about pondering over someone (I don’t recommend stalking); I’m talking about that random thought you have about someone, whether it's from a memory that was triggered by an event, item, song, smell, sight, or circumstance, or one of those 'nothing' moments when that person just springs to the front of your mind. Acting on that thought, as close to the moment it happens is what makes the thought count. You can have a nice thought of someone and keep quiet about it - and the only person it matters to is you. It counts when you share it in some way. Sometimes you see something (no matter how small) that reminds you of someone, and you buy/get it for them, and sometimes you just pick up the phone and call/text/email and let them know they were thought of.

When I think of someone, I let them know - even if it's just by way of a silly Facebook post. It doesn't matter how long it's been since we've communicated or physically spent time together. Yes, sometimes I feel silly (corny, stupid) just saying to someone I haven't seen in years, "Hey, I thought about you." The reasons behind that way of thinking are even sillier and range from simple insecurity to fear that the person will assume there is an angle, a reason for gaining something in reaching out. 

Whatever just happened to the simple acknowledgment of Hey, you made me smile today or I thought that this would make you smile? And what is wrong with that?

I do not believe in coincidences or random occurrences. I believe there is always a reason that someone just pops into your mind, and that reason is that that person will benefit in some way by your conversation, gesture, or gift in ways that we do not see. 

You could just happen to let someone know you were thinking of them on a day they felt that everything was falling apart around them and your gesture is the one that helped them keep their head above water. You could be giving them one of those timeless moments of fond memories and reflection, the kind that get held dear and thought of many times over later on. Yes, sometimes it could be an opportunity to converse for the last time - and that is still considered 'opportunity' even if all you think it does is prevent the later regret of not reaching out at all. 

The bottom line is that you will never know the full importance and impact a simple gesture may have on the other person. Those gestures are the gifts that keep on giving, whether they are in the form of tangible gifts or verbal acknowledgements. 

I am aware of having been on the receiving end of so many of those 'random thoughts with action', and so conscious of the full import of that gift that I don't understand why someone wouldn't want to acknowledge and act on those little thoughts and whims we get.

If a childhood friend of yours used to always be chewing grape Bubble Yum and you came across some one day and thought of him, why not buy him the gum? Just the smell of the package could bring back a ton of happy memories, getting your friend out of his own head for a bit (something that would give most adults a welcome break).

You hear a song that reminds you of a person you haven't seen in years - post the YouTube video of it on her Facebook page, saying you thought of her when you heard it.

Even if you have a memory of being a shit to someone and feel bad, send them an email. 

There is a reason you thought of that person, even if you don't know why.

 - but do you have to?

Acknowledgment. Simple acknowledgment goes a long way – much further than you may ever know. We are all connected; the acknowledgment of another person validates the spirit that runs through all of us. Deny it all you want, but you know we share the same emotions; loss, fear, love, insecurity, gratitude … Our separation comes from wanting to think that we are different and allowing ourselves to get caught up in ourselves. Do we really believe our lives are so busy that we can’t take out a moment – a moment­ – for someone else? Is our own self-consciousness worth more than possibly putting a smile on someone’s face? Remember how it felt when someone took a small moment for you?

Have you ever passed a stranger on the street and smiled in greeting at them? Sometimes, they smile back; sometimes, yes, they just keep walking and ignore you; and sometimes, they look surprised to be acknowledged – and after they get over that surprise, they smile back with a smile so dazzling and genuine and honest that you know in that moment you reached them on the level that we all recognize each other (even if you don’t want to admit something so airy-fairy).

If you can affect a stranger like that, how much more could you affect someone even a little closer?

I see you.

I know you.

I am you.

And I was thinking about you.