Jumping in with Both Feet - Again

Both feet

She made a choice
She decided to jump in
all in
with both feet
excitedly
but nobody seemed to care that she jumped
and the water was colder than she expected
she made her way to the edge
exuberance waning
as she climbed the ladder to get out
she took one last look at the pool
still seeing how nice it could have been
then lifted herself out
wishing she’d just toed in

********

I wrote “Both Feet” a number of years ago and forgot about it until something brought it to the front of my mind again. I wrote it under different circumstances than what made me think about it now, but found myself happy to be in contact with words that were able to express my feelings – much in the same way I can find comfort in a song that has lyrics I can relate to. Outside of whatever the feelings are now, I’m taking a little pride in that I have that same ability as the songwriters I both envy and rely on for comfort to be able to effectively express certain emotions in such a way that even years later they are still relatable. (Of course, I’d probably feel even better about that if the subject matter was a little less reflective.)

It was the remembrance of these words I wrote that got me out of bed to search my computer to find them at 1:30 in the morning (it had been my thoughts preceding the memory that kept me awake).

As I read my own words - and then again, and yet again – it was as if I was listening to someone else say to me, “I know how you feel.” That soothed me in the same way I’m comforted by songs. And in a sense, it was a different person that wrote those words, because I was a younger person then and she knew less than I know now.

Emile Coue wrote, "Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better." I keep those words visible to me in a few places because I believe in the benefit of conscious autosuggestion - even if the idea of positive self talk is the flip-side name for the negative idea of programming; however they are the same except one has the inclusion of conscious control.

I do tend to jump into things with both feet, and, yes, when it doesn’t work out as I’d hoped there can be some regret at having made that decision to jump. As I took solace in those understanding words of younger me, older me began to see a few new things..

There is only one way to jump in; you either do it or you don’t. Toeing in is a sign of indecision, distrust, and fear - and nothing good is accomplished or gained by starting out from any of those places.

Jumping all in is not rash behavior; it is going with your gut, the inner part of you that knows how you feel even when your outer you has no fucking clue. Jumping in shows passion, and the ability to recognize passion in yourself for anything is pretty phenomenal when you realize you are not so jaded that you no longer believe in wonderful possibilities.

I tend to jump into things. I take chances and go after what I want. I have passion. Even now. Because I know that even if I don't always get what I want every time, there is no chance of me getting what I want unless I try. And I know now I won’t ever regret trying.

Go big or go home, Susie, because life is too short to waste it living sterilely out of fear, and too long to endure without any enthusiasm. 

Emile Coue was right - so, both feet it is.