What's In a Name?

Netflix is showing a locally-created documentary called “The Strange Name Movie” (Boston Digital Productions/Walleyed Productions, 2017) and as the title states, it’s about people with strange names – the names that run the gamut of odd, unusual, sexual, well-known, alliterative, and any combination of letters that somehow manages to stand out for some reason. My own last name is a little long and unusual, and the mere fact that no one could ever pronounce it was what would initially make it stand out. An old classmate of mine is featured on it; his name is one of those names that are easily made fun of because part of it is used in everyday slang. It’s a fun watch, especially if you have a name that attracts attention for one reason or another.

“Who are you?”

That’s the opening question, and the premise has to do with how we identify with our names, whether or not we do, and whether or not we do because of the attention our names attract. An obvious side subject is bullying, as it’s easy to see that some of the movie subjects are still adversely affected by the teasing their name has caused them.

Do we identify who we are by our names? How much? Why? That’s a subject I’ve discussed many times over the years, for a few reasons. My last name, Roulusonis (pronounced roo-LA-sonniss) had been ‘changed’ many times by the kids around me: Roulusonis Rex, Dinosaurus, Rule-Of-Sines (Trigonometry class), Roolo, and some first/last name combos like Sue Roo.

I happen to like my last name, and always have because it was different – but I’m also aware that my appreciation of my different last name probably stemmed from my dislike of my common first name of Susan. I was named after my mother, so I was “Little Susie” at home. Nearly every advertisement featuring a woman’s name used the name Susan/Sue. The local Friendly’s had a poster hanging from the ceiling advertising their ice cream cakes, and written on the cakes were the names Sue and Bob (coincidentally, my father’s name is Bob – and my brother’s) At school, I was surrounded by many other Susans; the teachers all pretty much took to calling all of us Sue with our last initial. Sue R., Sue F., Sue G., Sue P., Sue M., Sue T. I felt like ‘one of the Sues’ and I did feel like it took a little of my own identity away from me (at least when I was younger). (Note: in elementary school, Sue R. is pronounced ‘sewer’.)

Did the teasing hurt? I’ll be honest, I think that depended on who was teasing me. If it hurt that someone didn’t like me in general, the teasing from that person did and it wouldn’t have mattered if they picked on my name or something else about me. Outside of that, I felt that poking fun of my last name got me out of the Sue rut.

“It’s not who I am.” One of the movie interviewees made that statement, because one of the points discussed had to do with people who have names that are or include everyday words who feel they either have to live up to their name or counteract the definition of it. If you have a name like Gay, Loser, Studley, Schmuck, or Putz people will hear the definition of the word the moment you introduce yourself.

I have been one of those chauffeurs standing at the airport holding signs with client’s names on them and have noticed the ones that stand out to me. I’ve mentally repeated the alliterative ones, giggled at the sexual names, and have even pointed out, “I bet he/she was teased in high school!” I’ve also found names I’ve loved, just thinking they were ‘so cool’. As a writer, I find that any combination of letters has the potential to stand out.

Words have power. Names are just words used for identification.  If your name causes any reaction at all in another person there is an element of power to it, even if you feel the reaction you get is negative. This power, or attention, can make people uncomfortable if they are the types of people that would rather not attract attention to themselves; it can also bolster those who want (or feel they can use) that attention.

The commonality of my first name and my subsequent feeling of losing my identity because of it made me go out of my way to give my own daughters names that were a little more unique. No, they will never find their names on pre-made keychains, but in this day and age you can personalize anything easily enough.

We even have associations with names based on the people we know and our experiences with them. Growing up I had issues with my father, Bob, and then later dated two Bobs (neither relationship worked out) – and vowed never to date another Bob again. When I was trying to choose unusual names for my daughters, two names were suggested that I immediately nixed because I knew other girls with those names who had certain common qualities that I considered negative – and I didn’t want to feel responsible if my girls turned out like that, because I would have made the association with the name. Silly? Maybe. But my consideration of name meanings are all the proof I need of that power in words.

We all know that, technically, our names are not our identities; they are words used for sorting and separating. We can’t call everyone “You” or “Him”. And while we know that, we may still find something in our name to use for a purpose, like branding, giving our name a meaning, or capitalizing on an existing meaning or status (especially if we have the same name as someone already famous/notorious).

What if we had the opportunity to choose our own names? What factors would we take into account? Actors are famous (pun intended) for choosing their names. Stage names and pen names are never chosen randomly. My daughter has transgender friends who’ve chosen new names according to who they feel they are; sometimes it’s a variation of their given name because they want to embrace/meld all aspects of themselves. Even writers choose character names for certain reasons. How the name sounds, what it may mean (whether literally or evocatively), and even the numerology of it can play into a name chosen. I have always used my maiden name as the name I write under, even when I was married.

Do we identify ourselves by our names? Yes, we do – and no, we don’t. Whether or not our name stands out, whether or not we were teased or bullied, we all can find a moment when we consider our own names and how we feel about them: when we get married, when we name our children, start a business or brand, and even when we look at our signatures when we become old enough for them to be binding. If you consider how much thought a person can put into naming a pet, then you can see more how important we consider names to be. It is also evident in family histories – you can be ‘shamed’ by your last name if some family members share certain reputations.

No matter what you are called, your identity is always intact, and always yours; be proud of it. It is really up to you how to make peace with the name you were given. Definitions can be changed; you ultimately provide the meaning for your name. If you smile or react in any way when you hear the name of someone you know, you’ve just proved it.

(Personally, I used to dream about marrying Bob Cousy just so I could be called Susie Cousy. but names are words and words are toys for me – and then I remembered I had to stay away from Bobs.)

*But teach your children to consider the feelings of others when they talk to them. Teasing can be a form of bullying and can have lasting effects on a person.

The Strange Name Movie